‘I was trying to protect my sister!’ I screamed. Would he understand my love for Kamss more than I did?
‘She was never your sister.’ He hurled the words at me as though they would cause me unendurable pain. Real anger flared in his thin face now.
‘Yes, she is my younger sister. We were both up for adoption at the orphanage after mom and dad died in a car crash. Do you have any memories of her birth, or of Kamss younger than a year old? No! That is why I’ve stuck around you all my life. So that I’d never get her out of my sight. Things then sort of snowballed, between us, you know?’ Paul said coldly.
I didn’t know which of the things he told me was more difficult to process. He was right. Mother was never pregnant. She just came home with Father and a baby one day. And she was not a newly born! It all struck me clearly now. There were no baby pictures of her younger than one year. But mine and Heybuka’s were there. It all became horridly vivid.
‘So, getting close to me was an act?’ I asked him meditatively.
‘At first, yes.’
‘Did you always hate me?’
After a few seconds I said, rather calmly, ‘you merely used me.’
‘I regret it.’ He said without any sadness or even remorse.
Another parcel of fury exploded inside me like lava, a larger one this time, scorching me inside and wiping off every other feeling.
‘I loved Kamss.’
‘You were an accidental victim of my love for her. I love her more than anyone could. Watching her without being able to tell her she is my sister. Longing to be with her but never being able to. Hearing your own sister call another person ‘big brother’. You know what that is like? Do you?’
I snorted. I hated him now. I used to be madly in love with him, but I loathed him now. It all made sense now. His never being spiritually in tune with me. His not being so caring. His always asking after Kamss with the pathetic excuse that he cared about my family and would then ask about Heybuka as an afterthought. What a shocking realization!
I decided I must end it all. I would not go with the police. The fury in him would make sure that I stayed behind bars.
Paul gave a short, humourless laughter as though he knew what I was thinking. I knew I had to do something. I knew I must do something before the police got to his house.
I tapped into my inner girl and changed the expression on my face as though I was undergoing physical pain. Paul’s forehead creased inquiringly. I must have looked terrible. I slowly gave way and began to go down clutching my chest.
‘What is the matter?’ He asked. He could not pretend not to care.
I acted like I tried to talk as though with much difficulty. He must have forgotten I’m much of an actress, as he dropped his weapon and rushed over to me.
‘Are you alright, K.?’ He bent down to me. I took the chance and gave him a hard kick in the groin and dashed out of the room. I heard him groan and curse.
I flew down the staircase with a speed I never imagine I was capable of. Who said adrenalin is not real?
I opened the door and ran out into the streets. As I ran, my mind and body felt oddly disconnected, my limbs worked without conscious instruction as though I was passenger not the driver of the body.
I hadn’t realized that the police was upon me.
‘You are surrounded by the Police. Stop and put your hands over your head.’
I heard the order but chose not to understand it.
I would go with them only when hell froze over. I kept running, and I was cornered by an officer as I stopped, not sure of what to do next, a thousand ideas buzzed my head each trying to get immediate attention with the little time I had. The officer gave me a thunderous slap as I saw different colours of stars appear before my eyes.
I stood dazed, and I heard the swish of a baton as it landed on my back, another on my head. It continued. My heart was leaping against my ribs like a frantic bird. It must have sensed in the offing what I was thinking and knew it had little time left to live and it was determined to fulfil a lifetime’s beat before the end.
I felt ghostly already. The beating was becoming unbearable for me. It must be almost morning as I saw a crisp in the sky, golden as an apple. I longed to be there, in the clouds with it. I fell forward. The police officer must have thought I was going for the gun tucked in his side and moved to the right, and I fell to the ground with a thud. Then I heard three bangs simultaneously.
The last thing I remembered was tasting the mixture of blood and sand. More of blood as I gasped just as Kamss had gasped her last. The only difference was that I was dying in cold blood without any comforts. But the thought that I would be with Kamss in the clouds soonest comforted me. I heard voices talking but could not make out what they were saying. The voices got fainter and fainter till I heard and felt no more.